It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Monday, February 26, 2007
withers away @ 4:15 pm

都可以是真的
你说的
我都会相信
因为我
完全信任你

我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心地对我好
不要求回报

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 2:07 am

when i was fighting so hard to find the right words, i forgot to look back. there it is stuck on my wall.
don't judge a life by one difficult season.
note to self: i must always always always remember.. always..

It's something Mystical

Sunday, February 25, 2007
withers away @ 10:50 pm

went out to celebrate bdae ytd! haha.. weather wasn't v good though.. it kept raining.. so we were playing asshole daidi in the pavillion.. had fun just talking cock with everyone.. dunno why, but always talk alot of cock and laugh alot with them.. when the rain stopped we played frisbee.. haha mine always go haywire.. den we went into the water too to play haha.. i started to get cold and tired later though.. but i really enjoyed myself.. sorry that i looked otherwise.. i had some stuff on my mind too.. but im fine le.. hehe no worries :D
u would know
it would be clear
that angels brought me here

It's something Mystical

Thursday, February 22, 2007
withers away @ 11:22 pm

time for update! hoho..

170207 sat 12.30pm
ytd was quite a mad rush.. met my lab partner in the morning and went back hall to complete the report, before coming out to hand it in.. lucky samson was nice enough to ask if i wanted him to dabao lunch for me, if not i was actually planning to go without lunch.. dad came to fetch me at 3+, i went home and immediately went to wash my clothes.. was really quite tired by then, since i slpt at 4 the previous night and woke up at 9.. anyway i got a shock when i saw the amt of stuff we were bringing back to m'sia.. though we do bring alot of stuff back each yr.. but this time it was like.. ultimate.. abt 15 bags i tink.. full of toys, veggie, chocs, cans and wad-nots.. our luggage only one bag lohz.. doink.. anyway while we were walking to the car (after loading evthg of coz), dad passed me the car keys and told me i'd drive to the customs.. i seriously didnt expect that lahz.. i got a shock loh.. and mebbe due to the shock, i did another shocking thing later.. sian diao..
while reversing out of the carpark lot, i crashed into the van parked behind.. best.. my 1st time i crash sia.. hopefully the last.. mum was freaking out, she told me to drive away.. but both dad and i saw that the driver was there lah.. doink.. drive wad drive.. dad went down to talk to him.. lucky i didnt crash into his car, actually banged into his license plate.. damn lucky sia.. duno wad's wrong with me.. argh.. lucky our car also nthg happen..
anyway, it started to jam like.. at clementi.. doink.. coz it was peak hr! i was having a hard time driving.. unlike driving manual cars, my right foot started to feel tired.. coz i was pressing on the brake like.. all the time.. and i can't take my foot off it! if not the car will start to move.. doink.. dad told me to go a diff route, but still jam.. we all damn sian diao.. i had a hard time moving out frm the side road to upp bukit timah.. not to mention it poured before and the roads were damn slippery.. and i never drove that route before.. *faints* we took like.. 40min to get to bukit timah.. crazy.. once on the expressway it was better.. though still alot of cars.. it took me abt an hr to get to customs.. was tired.. haha.. but happy to changeover with dad.. bleah.. long dist driving is not for me.. or mebbe i nv had enough slp lahz.. dad was real tired though.. he took more rests than before, and even had a nap.. he never took naps last time when we drove back.. i was slping most of the time anyway, and by the time we were back at my grandmother's place, it was a whooping.. 3am.. the whole house was awake, waiting for us.. oh man..
today i woke up pretty late.. it was noisy around the house, but im not bothered at all.. just had a really nice lunch.. always miss the duck my grandmother cooks.. its the best.. took some photos too.. the cat my cousin owns gave birth to kittens! haha.. but my cam batts died on me.. bleah..

190207 mon morning
ytd was quite an eye-opening experience.. didnt do much.. just had dinner on a cruise kinda thing.. wad really shocked us was the traffic condition.. survival tip no. 1 in ho chi minh city: dun cross the major roads, esp roundabts.. its crazy.. u think thailand and china are bad? think again.. when we saw how the hoards of motorcycles, cars and buses cross each other's paths, we were scared even though we were on the bus.. it was that bad.. they didnt care if its red light; they just drive when they see no vehicle in front of them.. anyhow change lane.. they honk like mad too.. scary..

190207 mon 5.30pm local time
was quite an experience today.. went into some forest and later underground to the tunnels that the soldiers built when they were at war with america.. seriously the hole is so small any decent sized american wouldnt be able to get in.. we went thru abt 100m of the tunnel and all nearly died.. me too coz i was in the absolutely wrong attire.. and trying hard not to dirty my clothes and bag, of coz i couldnt go down on all fours like i did during obs.. i was moving forward while squatting down all the time, coz any other position i adopt will see me banging my head, unless i lie on my belly.. doink.. so my thighs ached like no one's business after that.. there was a pt when we had to jump down too.. its so dark inside, if the person in front doesnt tell u there's a sharp drop, u will just fall and drop down.. its abt.. 1.2m? so it'll be disastrous if u fall.. anyway we were all damn sweaty after walking this 100m.. haha.. duh.. we had tapioca to eat after that.. nice! haha.. coz we were all hungry..
now we're at a hotel by the sea.. will go down to the seaside later.. yeah^^

200207 tues
last night after dinner we did go down for a walk along the beach.. it was really nice and breezy.. no lights.. so can see loads of stars.. v nice.. was going mad over the stars.. haha.. we walked quite a long way off.. got tired so we sat by a roadside stall selling coffee... they haf a lot of this kinda stalls.. those selling coffee will haf these tiny tables and chairs by the road, and the ppl will sit there facing the roads, drinking coffee and chatting.. haha.. so that's wad we did.. sat on the chairs which look like they're meant for kindergarten kids.. dad ordered a cup of black coffee.. mum and i didnt order anything but still had hot tea served to us.. there's a metal filter with a lid on top of a cup inside a bowl of hot water.. have to wait for the coffee to drip down before drinking.. dad couldn't appreciate the coffee, but mum and i loved it.. its really rich and aromatic, no milk, no sugar, yet its not v bitter! damn nice.. dad doesnt know how to appreciate black coffee lah haha..

the rest of the days.. nthg much.. climbed a hill though... had a huge statue of Jesus on top.. v nice.. nice view frm the top too.. sweated again.. bleah.. den whenever we got into any departmental store, i would go to the perfume section to look at the labels and smell the fragrance.. the labels all wrote parfum only.. doink.. its all pr2202's fault lahz.. haha..

ok nthg much liaoz.. hope everyone had a nice cny! hehe
很多事情只是一念之差。

It's something Mystical

Sunday, February 18, 2007
withers away @ 2:01 pm

im at the airport now.. flying off in half an hr's time.. hehe.. hope to see all of u soon! take care..

It's something Mystical

Friday, February 16, 2007
withers away @ 1:38 pm

hey ppl.. i'll be going off for m'sia ard evening/early night.. coming back tml. time unknown. coz we got a flight to take on sunday to vietnam. time unknown. airline unknown. city unknown.. hahaha.. im not at home to look at the itinery lahz.. seriously speaking im not v sure when i'll be back too.. shld be thurs..
so i'll be out of contact for a wk or so.. meanwhile, take care! oh yes, happy cny in advance!

It's something Mystical

Thursday, February 15, 2007
withers away @ 12:39 am

i just reached back hall from a full day.. its really a v enjoyable day.. right frm 12 midnight ytd till now.. 没有情人,甚至没有一个喜欢的人的情人节也可以很快乐的!
1st present i got was at 12+ frm meimei.. chocs and a note in a really cute paper bag.. den at 1+ my blk guys carried a whole box of roses up and went rm to rm, distributing the roses with notes for each of us, with their signatures and well-wishes on them.. damn sweet lah.. haha..
thru the night i was pia-ing the vday gifts for zoo.. roses are difficult to make lah! sorry if some of them look out of shape k.. meanwhile i was checking the bus schedules to ntu and yishun too.. i know im being a little crazy, but.. a little craziness sometimes bring much joy.. great deal isn't it? haha...
so i ended up slping at 2.30am.. decided to wake up at 5.30am and leave at 6am to take the 1st 30 that comes.. i even left my comp at the website to check the bus timings to save time.. who knows, i only woke up at nearly 6.. was a mad rush as i literally ran frm the toilet and back.. saw prezzie frm yeanching and denise.. later i ran to the bus stop too, only to see 30 go in front of my eyes.. by the time the next 30 came it was.. 6.35 or 40? bad choice.. or shld i say no choice (except to take cab).. the trip to boon lay took.. abt 40min? i didnt even dare slp for too long.. finished listening to still fantasy during this trip.. chiong-ed to wait for 199.. didnt dare slp too.. at least i got to joan's rm really fast, thanks to directions frm pin.. i knew exactly where i was going, but i realized i didnt noe how to get out.. brilliant.. i wasted time going back to the canteen to try to find the correct bus stop, and in the process i missed a 199.. in the end still went back to the same bus stop and just let 199 loop ard ntu.. at least i saw nie for the 1st time in my life..
was real tired, but chiong-ed to take the mrt.. sat down and fell aslp.. woke up at je, yet too late to get off.. was pretty sian diao that i had to take to clementi and take back again.. but wad perked me up was joan's msg.. hahah coz she saw my card and got a surprise!! *yeah* intended reaction achieved.. haha.. u know its just priceless to do smth for someone out of the blue and he/she really appreciates the effort..
took train to yishun.. nearly didnt get off.. haha.. waited for 812 and the sun was beating down on me.. bleah.. haha.. i nearly thought the present couldnt go in.. i measured! lucky i did man if not sure cannot get in.. coz it was just right lah haha.. scare me man.. trip back was uneventful, just that i was still chiong-ing ard, running up and down the escalators, coz i knew i was going to be late.. who ask me keep on cock up! haha..
was dozing off again on the train.. msging bao at the same time.. i duno wad came over me, but i somehow saw the words "jurong east" and got off at bukit gombak. *applause pls..* when i discovered my mistake it was too late.. had to wait for the next train.. at least i did get off at je later, and at buona vista.. waited for 95 for pretty long.. got to lecture.. 45min late.. *applause again pls*
greatest thing was, bao and i decided we weren't going to listen anyway, so we got our asses out of the lt within 15min of me sitting down *applause* we were too excited abt el and mel's coming.. hoho.. we all went to cyn's rm and.. it basically nearly exploded.. we were ultra noisy (as usual), v messy (as usual too), and just going crazy.. totally ourselves.. exchanged gifts.. el and mel's handmade chocs were delicious.. got nice chocs and note frm beabu.. lovely note frm cyn.. bao: i dun wanna wait so long lah! *bawls* we had so much trouble and/or fun taking photos ourselves.. using mine and mel's cameras.. no timing function, so had to stretch our hands to take our own photos.. damn comical lah..
den later cyn beabu and mel had to go.. so bao and el came my rm.. we basically slacked there while i napped.. el came to crash an hr of our molecular genetics lect.. den i brought her to the bus stop.. lect ended early.. not even 6.. when it was supposed to end at 7.. reached back hall and i slacked for a while.. needed to get some energy back yah.. haha.. den i set off for orch..
reached damn late, and i was the 1st to reach.. doink.. was jamming like siao.. in the end barney joan and i decided on nydc.. casie came later.. at.. 9.30 haha.. got a rose and chocs frm barney.. hehe thanks! its nice to hang out with friends once in a while, to just talk abt.. anything.. haha.. we couldnt finish the cheesecake though.. wad was damn funny was that pin called joan and den asked who gave him his present.. and i told joan not to tell him.. hahaha.. it was so funny seeing him so scared lah haha.. coz i really denied till the end, and he believed.. oops.. haha.. den later we left for hall/home/camp..
it was 11 at that time.. i missed 106 and 143 came, so i decided why not take it.. since it takes me straight to hall, though i heard its a long ride.. nv took it before.. who knows.. it brought me to.. opposite far east.. i thought that was a little weird.. den later, i reached newton.. and then, thomson.. i decided it was wrong so i got off.. went across the road, realized got no route map.. wanted to confirm, so called yeanching to ask.. haha.. i indeed took the wrong side.. which is why i came back to hall so late.. i havent even bathe yet.. oops.. 这算什么嘛,早上搭30号时已经游了一次车河,怎么晚上也要游一回?这叫有始有终吗?!
today was a v busy day, but im really happy, coz i guess i distributed some love, and received some too! also, on the way back, i looked up and saw alot of stars! yeah.. me is one happy gal today:D oh i promise the craziness stops today k.. i want my slp back haha.. but its happy to see ppl happy coz of the things u do.. :D:D
its not worth it spoiling ur mood just coz u are thinking too much:)

It's something Mystical

Friday, February 09, 2007
withers away @ 8:58 pm

today was one crazy day:D
me made meself v busy, and will continue making meself v busy, but me is making meself happy with the things me is making meself busy with.. hee:D
me no talking sense heh? me abit sot-sot liao.. hehe:D

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, February 07, 2007
withers away @ 1:57 am

hohoho.. cmb concert finally came to a close.. at least we put up a decent performance.. it wasn't fantastic, but considering the standard we were, i guess we came quite a long way.. but of coz can tell that some ppl weren't used to being on stage.. haha.. anyway cmb concert is the 1st thing i helped out in cmb for.. feel that cmb is a pretty fun comm.. haha guess its the ppl lahz.. many of them are v friendly:D
but of coz there're more stuff coming up.. just hope i can cope lohz.. hehe.. i need ppl to keep me sane k:D:D
not because of who i am, but because of what You've done; not because of what i've done, but because of who You are.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, February 03, 2007
withers away @ 10:40 am

haiz

It's something Mystical

Friday, February 02, 2007
withers away @ 1:50 am

coz i was bored and refused to start on work, i went to read one of my moe obs watchmate's blog.. and got a shock..
he has stopped his studies at fudan due to unforeseen circumstances at home.. its really tragic.. i still rmbr him sms-ing us before he left, telling us to contact him if we ever went over to china..
世事难料,趁还拥有的时候,好好珍惜吧。
为什么总是要用这种事件来提醒我们…

It's something Mystical